How to succeed in business without really aging

A wise band once said "nobody likes you when you're 23." Ok, it was Blink 182, and they were right for the most part. When I was 23, I had just returned from a temporary job in London, and decided that America was far inferior. I made sure my friends knew that I appreciated culture more than they did. ("EVERYONE goes to the theatRE in London, it's not even a big deal!" "You can just hop a plane to Norway anytime you want! Any time!") Scoffing at my surroundings, I returned to school to get the degree that's put me in the blogosphere in the first place.

Well, it seems that my international meandering has put me behind the curve when it comes to being an obnoxious wunderkind. Instead of staying on one career track, I chose to experiment. At any interview, I am inevitably asked why I switched from one field to the other. I want to say that it's because I am a naturally curious mammal, but instead I tell them I discovered the wonder and magesty that is journalism! But at 27, my multiple tracks seem to dictate that I will never get a job outside of customer service or retail. Especially with these bastards hanging around.

Businessweek, which I usually avoid like a free supermarket circular, featured America's Best Young Entrepreneurs a few weeks back. I'll let you read it for yourself, but reflect on this if you are older than 25: Should we be encouraging younger people to aspire to success solely through business? Are you threatened by these Generation Y whiz kids? I sure am.

But, since the article was written before Wall Street dissolved into a brownish goo, one wonders what the future holds for career development that requires little soul searching past the desire to earn tons of money.

Reworking thought

I have an appointment with a temp agency later this week. I wish temping resembled the old time secretarial pools a la Mad Men, but without all the starch and affairs.

One thing I remember from previous temp ventures is the horrifying computer aptitude testing. Let's be serious here -- no journalism major is going to be handy on Excel. I was the star of my assistantship when I was able to compose e-mails and file things in alphabetical order.

My father lent me a book today: Rethinking Work. It basically says that you have to find your passion, which frankly I could have realized without reading graphs about my motivation, but this kind of thing is interesting nonetheless. According to the book, I should not be going to the temp appointment because if offends my inner motives. I admit, I have an intense desire to get some hotel job in the Rockies and never look back.

So I am indeed rethinking work. What if I just don't do it at all?

The ones that got away

After being turned down for a part-time sales position by Spirit! The Halloween Store, I've realized that getting a job is all about who you know. Fortunately, everyone I know seems to be adept at career counseling! Here are a few golden opportunities that were presented to me, but have regrettably passed me by.

- IRS temp
- Sales associate at Delia's
- Cashier at local farm stand
- Medical coding and billing
- Production intern (awesome experience is your pay!)
- Substitute teacher/Teacher's aid
- Going back to school for a real degree*
- EBay seller
- Attending body piercing school
- Returning to old career in higher education

Am I too good for these ideas? Certainly not. Do any of these jobs pay enough to alleviate the crippling night sweats brought on by student loans and credit card bills? Certainly not. But thank you! I'll definitely keep your card.

*Less an opportunity than an exclaimed command

Attention grad students: Drop out now!

Start the management trainee program at Starbucks or the Army, because you're about to work there anyway.

Remember when a degree used to mean something? Me either. In an effort to postpone responsibility as long as possible, I shelled out over 60 grand on a Masters degree in journalism but apparently forgot to take the seminar on why graduate school is useless unless you're an engineer, federal employee, lawyer, or doctor.

What follows will be a chronicle of job searching by an advanced degree-holder with no previous full-time experience. Or real business wardrobe. Gasp.